Perfume of a Rose
by ninadobsession
Summary: "God, I wish you didn't have to forget this... But you do." Wait, was he compelling her? That's crazy. Damon knows you can't compel a vampire. Based off of new TVGuide spoilers. One-shot.


**Woo buddy. So I've been blown away by the amazing responses to this fic on Tumblr and wanted to post it on my FF account so I could also share it with all of you all. Late last night, I discovered this amazing spoiler for TVD (I'll copy and paste since I can't link): **

_"We all love a good flashback and fortunately for Delena fans, in the premiere episode Elena will remember a very important moment from Season 2: when Damon told her he loved her. But unlike past flashbacks we've seen, Elena doesn't realize right away that she's watching a memory from the past rather than experiencing a moment in the present."_

**My mind immediately started to go on overdrive, getting overly excited for how this would play out on the show. Of course, this gave me the itch to write it out and this is what was produced. I stayed up way too late attempting to finish it and am paying for it now by shoving severe amounts of caffeine down my throat, but I hope it was worth it. Personally, I don't feel as though it's good, but I will happily agree to disagree with you all ;) For those of you that read my other fics, don't fret. Yellow Brick Road will be up on Sunday, but I just had to get this out in the open. **_  
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**Please please leave your reviews letting me know how you feel about it. Obviously, I have no clue how the spoiler will work in the actual show; this is just my version.**

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_"Can anyone remember love? It's like trying to summon up the smell of roses in a cellar. You might see a rose, but never the perfume."_

Peace. That was all she wanted for just five freaking seconds. The past few days, every move she made had been supervised. Stefan or Caroline or Jeremy or whoever the hell it was would always be standing somewhere nearby watching her as though any second her control would just snap and she'd try to drain a whole school. Not that the concept wasn't appealing to her. Elena covered her mouth as she felt a wave of nausea hit her. _How could she think like that?_ She wanted to kill. Never in her life had she wanted to kill but now not only did she want to…she was dying to.

Elena rushed to the toilet, got on her knees and leaned her head over the basin but nothing came. She wondered if vomiting was a no-go now that she was a vampire. She looked back, trying to remember if she'd seen Stefan or Damon throwing up, but the only times she recalled were when they were spitting up blood. She stood up, not feeling the typical pain in her knees from the hard, cold tile or the dull ache that typically came with adjusting her muscles and joints when she'd been human. Perks, she could call them. If only the pros weren't outweighed by the cons. She repeated the mantra once again: _You'll get there. You'll be happy again. Just be patient._

Elena stared at her reflection, happy to not see the veiny bumps under her eyes or the fangs popping out of her gums. She could pretend, if only for a moment, that she was still human. She closed her eyes, letting some of her old memories flood back. Cheerleading practices with Care, kissing Stefan for the first time, eating dinner with Jenna and Jeremy, Damon giving her back her necklace… wait. That was odd. Damon had given back her necklace twice. Once on her eighteenth birthday and then after that hellish day at school. But never in her bedroom. She rubbed her face, wondering if transitioning into a vampire was similar to being pregnant, if your brain started acting all weird and fuzzy. She was probably just flashing through memories at vampire speed, combining a few at a time. _That's an odd and seemingly useless power,_ Elena smirked. But suddenly something piqued her interest.

She chuckled lightly, putting on her brave face, the one she'd perfected after years of going through nightmarish events. "You can't sneak up on me anymore, Damon," she said, walking out of her bathroom and into her room. "Besides, you make a terribly clunky entrance." He was sitting on her window seat, playing with something in his hands.

"Cute PJs," he remarked.

Elena looked down at her cargo pants and hoodie, the outfit she'd chosen to wear to go hunting with Stefan that day. Try it his way and all. "Ouch," she smirked lightly, a bit confused by what he meant. "These aren't pajamas but I see your opinion of them." His face held a sad smile and she began to grow a bit nervous, wondering if he had more bad news on top of the… well, the whole "turning into the one thing she never wanted to be" thing. "Why are you here?"

He stood up, approaching her and now holding up the thing she'd seen earlier in his hands: Esther's necklace. "Brought you this," he said cooly, but she sensed nervousness on his part.

Elena's head was starting to hurt, her mind trying to connect the dots. "Wa-wait," she stuttered, holding her hands up. "How did you get that? Rebekah threw that in the cave." Damon's face held a sad expression as he shook his head back in forth. "No? Damon, I was there. She chucked it into the part no vampire can get to. How did you get that?" Elena's hands reached up to grab it, as though wanting to test that it was real when he tugged his hand back not letting her have it.

She rolled her eyes, a playful smirk appearing on his features. "Really, Damon? How many times do I need to remind you about my new vampire tricks? I can easily get that back from you." She was hoping he'd take it as a challenge. She was so exhausted of the serious atmosphere that acting like a twelve year old with Damon again sounded incredibly alluring. But he didn't take the hint.

"I just have to say something." Those words struck fear in Elena's now still heart. She didn't want this. She already had Stefan riding first class in the guilt train, constantly looking at her with those wounded, brooding eyes. She knew he felt terribly, but she also had a strong suspicion that Damon was bearing the guilt as well. _So typical, _she thought. _He wasn't even there. _But she could feel it coming: the apology. He would say that he was so sorry that he left her, even though he promised he never would. That he hates himself for letting her become this way. She didn't want this mostly because, in this scenario, _she_ was the bitch. Moments before her car had gone over the bridge, she'd broken his heart and she knew it. She also knew that it had broken a piece of hers too. When she died, she hadn't felt good or assured. She'd felt like there was a hole in a place that had previously been filled.

"No, Damon, don't go there," she pleaded.

"Because what I'm about to say is probably the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life." A pang hit Elena. Those words didn't work. Something felt strange. The flow of conversation was off. But, to be quite honest, everything felt strange these days. So she brushed it off. Until her brain fully registered what he said. "Damon, what do you mean? What's selfish?" She meant to ask, _what could you possibly say that would be selfish?_

"Look, I just have to say it once. You just need to hear it." He'd stepped much closer to her at this point. In the past, his proximity to her would cause her heart to go at warp speed, but it was if she still felt the phantom beats of her heart pumping blood at a rapid pace. That same rush of nerves from earlier hit her, but it wasn't from disgust. The sensation felt far away, but she was nervous. _It's just Damon, _she thought. _Calm down._

"Okay," she replied hesitantly. She owed him this. She owed him a "once." She needed to take it like the big, bad vamp that she was.

"I love you, Elena."

The rush of nerves from earlier calmed instantly. His words didn't leave a shred of fear or shock; instead, she felt comforted. The concept of Damon Salvatore loving her was one she was now very familiar with. Whether being told by him (twice, now thrice) or by the others around her, she knew his love was a constant. Like oxygen. She corrected herself. Oxygen actually hadn't been a constant when she'd been trapped in the truck underwater. Her mind shifted for a moment: if or when the day came that he stopped loving her, would it feel as painful and gut wrenching as dying had?

"And it's because I love you… that I can't be selfish with you." A small smile graced her face. There he was again: selfless Damon. There was the Damon she lo… she cared for. She had a new revelation as to where this conversation was going. This was the follow up to the phone call, his chance to have a say. But as the wheels in her head turned, she felt something akin to a kick in the stomach.

_He was leaving her._

"No, Damon… please don't say it." She couldn't hear those words. God, even in her nightmares, even when he did leave, he never told her about it. She never had to hear him say it. She wanted to tackle him, use her new vampire strength for good. Keep him there until he swore he'd never leave her.

"Why you can't know this... I don't deserve you."

There were too many things wrong with that sentence. She knew his love. What did he mean by the fact that she couldn't know it? Was he keeping something from her? But the worst was the latter. "Damon, don't think that. That's not why I didn't choose you. You have to believe-"

He cut her off. "But my brother does." Guilt was an emotion she was familiar with as well, but she didn't realize how strongly she could feel it until now. Her near constant guilt from her human life had transferred into this one and it was nearly crippling. If anyone was being selfish here, it was her. She'd chosen his brother and she just expected him to stay. To sit around and worship her and help her through this, help her through everything like he always had. Now she was truly disgusted with herself. Screw killing a group of school kids. She couldn't bear to continue to hurt Damon.

She was prepared to say it. A whole long speech about why she would support his decision to leave. It would hurt and she would hate every second of it, but it was the right thing to do. There were many decisions made in the past few days, one major decision included, that she still wasn't quite sure where right or wrong stood, but doing this… this was right.

But he cut her off once again, this time not by words but by a kiss to the forehead. She remembered when his lips used to feel like fire and ice at the same time, but now they matched her body's temperature perfectly. This was a goodbye kiss. She felt it in every bone in her body. The tears begin to form in her eyes. She couldn't handle it. She'd made the decision in Matt's truck to never feel Damon's lips on her skin ever again, but having them graze her forehead now made her wonder if she could actually live like that.

He moved to push some hair back from her face, hair that earlier had been filled with branches and matted blood from the woods. Confusing was definitely a word she'd used to describe her go at bunny hunting, but Damon's next sentence made her realize that absolutely nothing could compare to the confusion of this moment.

"God, I wish you didn't have to forget this."

She suddenly felt like her whole body was spinning. This moment, her being here, it wasn't right. She felt incredibly out of place. Damon's words were a riddle she couldn't crack and his intense gaze caused her to tremble. Before she could even accept his words, she watched his eyes dilate as he stared at her. "But you do."

He was… compelling her? Well, trying to. She knew that gaze. It was the same one Elijah had given her only hours earlier. _Hours? _No, that was months ago. But it felt so recent. And why was her arm throbbing? Had she passed out? She stepped back. She needed to sit down. She needed to run. She needed to breathe. No, she didn't need that anymore.

And now Damon was gone. _What the hell?_ He'd used his damn vamp speed to put the necklace on and then run. She felt more tears prick her eyes, mostly caused by confusion but also caused by the fact that she hadn't said a word to him. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. She'd truly lost him.

She sat down on the bed, trying to recall all of the events of the past few minutes. All she'd wanted was one damn night alone, a night to think of anything but, and he'd come traipsing in, ready to chuck her mind on overdrive once again. Frustratingly running her hands through her hair, she was stuck on the particular moment where he'd tried to compel her. Had he been drunk? You can't compel a vampire. He knew that. Basic Vamp 101. You could only compel humans and the only way the compulsion would be undone is if the human…

"Oh my god."

"Elena."

Her eyes shot up. Damon was standing at her door, a nervous expression on his face. She watched as he lowered the brown leather suitcase to the floor. "Elena," he repeated. "We need to talk."

Elena had never heard truer words in her life.

**So what do we think? Remember that I don't particularly care for it, so it's understandable if you don't as well. I have left this open a bit so let me know if you want a two-shot. Personally, I kind of like the open-ending but I also enjoy the concept of writing the confrontation.**

**If you actually do like this, know I have four other works on my page and a tumblr (ninadobsession) where I post all sorts of TVD related things.**

**love love love :)**


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